The Ultimate Struggle...to believe or not to believe

During the past few years, I have struggled a lot with my faith and I have had a lot of doubts that have caused me to question the way I've always looked at things. As I have been dealing with this issue, I have for the most part pushed away any kind of research that is contrary to my faith. I didn't want to question why I believe what i believe because I felt deep down that if I really looked at my faith objectively, I'd find that the only reason I believe it is that I'm afraid not to. Little by little I have come to view Christianity as just a religion...one that whether or not it was based on truth, has become an empty shell of a "faith".

All the fundamentals of the Christian faith have come from the Bible....however no one views the Bible the same way. Most pastors will tell you that the Bible is inerrant...completely without mistakes. But that simply isn't true. The Bible itself never really claims to be inerrant...it says that it was inspired by God and that it is the Word of God, but we have taken that to mean that it is completely without error. I think the reasoning behind this thought is that to admit there are mistakes means that people will begin choosing which passages to believe or not believe. And there goes the basis of the Christian faith. If there are errors in the guideline to faith, then how can we believe in an omniscient and omnipotent God? Wouldn't an omniscient God be able to preserve his words throughout the centuries?

Christians are taught that the best way to raise their kids is in the Bible. Well, what has happened over the centuries is the parents completely immerse their children in biblical materials, biblical textbooks for school, choirs, youth groups, sunday schools, Christian summer camps and they force their children to believe what they want by never giving them room to doubt. If they can keep them drowning in Christian doctrine, then when they get old enough to choose, they will undoubtedly choose God, having been completely indoctrinated from birth. Is this really a choice? Or have we raised up another generation of children who are afraid to even entertain the notion that maybe there is something else out there? Can you really consider it faith when a child is trained to believe something and continues to believe it when they get older? Children sit in the classroom and learn math for 12 years....is it by faith that they continue to use that learning when they are grown? Why then do we consider our efforts to raise good Christian kids to be successful when they "choose" to follow God, when all common sense says that they never really had a choice at all?

And what of those that come to the conclusion that these things we are taught are not all they appear to be? Then the Christian community will shun them by discussing amonst themselves the "one that fell into sin" and they will pray condescendingly that he will realize the error of his ways. They rejoice when hardship befalls their "lost sheep" because if he is truly miserable it will push him back to God. Or when he loses a job, they say "tsk tsk, this is God's punishment on his life because he has taken his eyes off of Him".

All these things I have seen and it makes me realize the painful truth....that Christianity could quite possibly be the biggest farce in history. Is the God of the Bible real and worth dying for? Or is it just another story of another mythological god who demands our allegiance?

Music for your life

Have you ever noticed that there is a song for every feeling you've ever experienced. If you look in the right places, you can find a sad song for every breakup...or a happy one that expresses that elated feeling just right. Right now, I'm listening to Gwen Stefani's latest CD, which i got for my birthday. I don't know if im happy or sad at the moment...i guess im more bored than anything and maybe a little disappointed that my birthday is boring and uneventful this year. I dont know why this CD makes me feel good at the moment but it's a good mix of emotion. Someone told me that when you have a baby, suddenly you don't exist and everything is about him. I'm finding that this is true. It's pretty evident when suddenly you realize that your conversations with his grandparents are punctuated by coos and baby talk to the baby in their lap. I'll be talking and I'll realize that they are in fact talking to Wyatt and not listening to anything I say. Now, everyone tells me that this is something you enjoy as a parent, but I don't think you enjoy it as much as get used to it. I mean having a baby changes everything. It's hard to get used to, but you inevitably have to. You know, I always have said that no matter how long you wait, you will never feel completely ready to have a child. Well, I still dont feel ready and my son is 8 months old.